18. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
Me too. Especially when doing things I don’t want to be doing.
19. How many times is it appropriate to say “What?” before you just nod and smile because you still didn’t hear or understand a word they said?
Forty-two, per Douglas Adams.
20. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!
I don’t understand this collection of “truths.” This belongs in a manifesto, perhaps. A new title–“things most people will agree with me on”? I do have a driving-related peeve, though: on the Avenue of the Saints, where the speed limit is 65 mph but there are still left- and right- hand turns directly off the highway, PLEASE GOD use your turn signals! I understand you’re not used to using them, but when I’m passing a truck on the left and all of a sudden I see your break lights ahead of me as you stop suddenly to make a left turn, I sort of freak out. I’m focusing on not hitting the ‘wide load’ of farm equipment I’m passing; let me know I need to pay attention to you before you brake sharply. jesus christ.
21. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
Shouldn’t the truth for a mature human be more like, ‘everything gets dirty and you need to clean yourself and your belongings occasionally’?
22. Sometimes I’ll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
I’m really bad at time myself, as a general rule, so I identify with this. But worrying about time is really stressful, so can I suggest that if the time’s not important enough you remember it on the first glance, don’t worry about it?
23. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey – but I’d bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time!
I actually know some people who wake up easily and cheerfully in the mornings. (coughdadcough) Clearly, when you’re focusing on one thing only (how nice it is to be asleep) it’s easier to do something related to that (maintain quiet environment). But whenever I’m looking for something, I’m worrying I don’t have it or it was stolen or I left it in Iowa and probably also hurrying to get out the door before I’m late or thinking about what to make for dinner or any of a myriad of other thoughts.
24. The first testicular guard, the “Cup,” was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important. (Ladies…..Quit Laughing.)
A: Cite your sources.
B: My understanding is that it’s excruciatingly painful to be hit in the testicles, as represented in countless TV shows and movies by men clutching their groins and writhing about in agony after sustaining such a blow. I myself have been hit in the head on multiple occasions with various amounts of pain, but even the most severe only left me stunned for a few seconds before I could shake it off and get back to what I was doing. (Being hit in the face with a soccer ball was a bit of an exception, as it knocked off my glasses and could possibly have broken my nose.) Granted, I have never been concussed (to my knowledge) but I still offer up this easy explanation: more pain = more protection.
NB: Everything that isn’t italicized is from the original email.
Blogs to come! Possibly! : my love of the nighttime, drinking like it’s the fifties, reactions to the news, thoughts of the future, tattoos